The pain of losing your plan is the price of finding the truth

I'm in Switzerland right now and have spent the last week here, working as a forester.

But the first day I came here, I felt bad. Really bad.

I've really been looking forward to this internship, but when I actually got here, I noticed something wasn't right. I noticed a deep resentment against it.

On the first evening, I sat outside, just thinking about these feelings.

But, because now I was here and I do what I say I will do, I'm gonna push through.

And so the first working day came. It started at 6:30.

We worked for some hours, clearing a hiking trail of fallen trees.

In the lunch break, I kept thinking about this nagging feeling: My subconscience told me, that this isn't the right path to go down. That this isn't for me.

But, again, I have to push through this week.

And, with only two days to go, here's what I learned so far, working as a forester in the Swiss alps:

Hard work isn't hard work.

ANYONE who says "they're in the trenches" working on their cute little online business is either lying, or - more likely - hasn't actually done hard work in his life.

I know how it is to work on a computer. Of course it's draining. But it's NOTHING compared to manual labour.

Manual labour is just fucking hard.

In the evenings, I fell into bed dead. This job is no joke.

Now, whenever someone says they're working so super hard on their online business (sitting in a café and typing on a keyboard), just know, that's not actually hard work.

Testosterone doesn't care about your diet.

I worked with this one dude, and let me tell you:

He is fucking built different.

That guy's drinking beers, eating chips and whatever he can get his hands on, but he doesn't look what you'd imagine someone doing this looks like.

He is jacked, has the fullest beard I've ever seen, is SUPER fucking high energy (he can't stop working) and is generally very high T.

Why, when you eats, drinks and sleeps like shit?

Because he lives a high T lifestyle. Working hard, with big, manly machines. Always on the gas pedal. Always having dirty hands. Able to solve problems, fast, and fix things easily.

His testosterone HAS to be sky high, just to make his body able to deal with the things it has to deal with.

The lesson: make your life demand high T and your T will be high.

Family is everything.

As you may know, I'm pretty young. So this was the first time, living completely alone, somewhere, where I don't know ANYONE.

When I came home from work the first day, it felt so fucking weird.

I'm used to saying hi to someone when I come home and being able to talk to someone.

Not anymore.

I come home… empty, quiet.

That's when it hit me: Family is so damn important.

And in earlier generations, we knew that. The family from great grandmother to the little son was in either one house, or on the same farm.

The different generations helped each other out and the family stayed strong as one, large compound.

Today, everyone from the family moves out, going to different places. This pulls the family apart, making it weaker.

This was just a side tangent but I think it's worth thinking about.

I don't know what the fuck to do.

I know what I want out of my life. I know the mission I'm on.

But the thing I don't know, is what I'll do this year.

The options: Stay in school, or start and apprenticeship.

I was so sure I want to do an apprenticeship as a forester. I'm not so sure anymore. In fact, I'm pretty sure I DON'T want to do that.

So with that, my whole plan collapses. I was so sure on this ONE variable (that I like the job), that the whole equation doesn't work out anymore.

a + b + c x (I like the Job) = 1 = good

a + b + c x 0 = 0 = bad

This variable multiplied everything times 0, making the rest irrelevant.

Honestly, I can't say what I'll do now. We'll see. God will show me.

Sometimes God destroys your plans to show you the truth

These were some of the lessons I learned here.

It collapsed many plans, but that's exactly why I did it. I wanted to see, if this is actually for me.

To wrap this all up:

You can't know shit, if you haven't tried it. You can't know your "purpose", your meaning in life, your destination, if you've never taken actions and fucking tried it.

Try whatever you want. Fail. Then try again, at something else. Life is trial and error.

Try. Fail. Get up. Repeat.

Stay on the search for the truth.

F.S.